Daily Poll/Archive/June 2007
June 30, 2007 Just days after America, Jr. gets a new Prime Minister, two terrorist car bombs are defused, and a flaming car is stopped at Glasgow airport. Liberals are so far out of the mainstream, instead of going after whoever is responsible for the attacks in London, Nancy Pelosi sends Dick Cheney a subpoena. Who Do Liberals Target More? George W. Bush, because they hate him so much Dick Cheney, because they are so jealous of him the free market, because they are socialist commies Ann Coulter, because she is so beautiful June 29, 2007 Question suggested by User:Vinny Today is the first day people can buy Apple's new iPhone. Stephen has not yet received the free one he has asked for several times on his nationally broadcast program "The Colbert Report". To show your solidarity with Stephen, what is the best reason not to buy an iPhone? It's too expensive ($500-$600) I don't like Steve Jobs or Apple enough with the "i" already--there is no "I" in phone Stephen Colbert gave it a bad review because he never got one June 28, 2007 Question suggested by User:Pro-Lick Liberals have subpoenaed The Greatest President Ever for some documents. Obviously The Greatest President Ever doesn't have to give his personal papers to anyone outside his family, nor does he have to explain why he doesn't have to. But, just for the record, what is the most compelling reason for denying democrats these sensitive documents? Dick Cheney says he doesn't have to Alberto Gonzales says he doesn't have to Jesus wouldn't declassify America's National Secrets why do Democrats hate America? June 27, 2007 New York City suffered widespread power outages today. What was the most likely cause? God semi-smoted them because Michael Bloomberg left the GOP not enough illegal aliens to operate the hamster wheel regulations have overtaxed the electric grid, only private corporations working in an unregulated system will help, just ask California terrorists June 26, 2007 The doyenne of American conservatism, Ann Coulter appeared on the liberal program, "Chris Matthew's Hardballs", during which John Edward's beard called in to whine about something. If you could have a private audience with Ann Coulter, what would you say to her? will you marry me? you are the most beautiful woman in the world! what is the best way to hide my masculine features (Adam's apple, five-o'clock shadow, etc)? I hope America never wakes up from this magnificent dream and you are never treated the way Don Imus was treated June 25, 2007, Evening Edition Question suggested by User:Vinny Why have gas prices been falling lately? Al Gore has convinced every American to conserve energy causing the supply of oil to go up and the demand for it to go down Fewer illegal aliens are driving across the border The Greatest President Ever found more oil in Iran The Loving Hand of God is guiding The Invisible Hand of The Market June 25, 2007 Who is your favorite television Christian? The Flying Nun Ned Flanders that singing, dancing negro from that one show Kirk Cameron June 24, 2007 Question suggested by User:Pro-Lick America by a clear majority you have selected Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. to be our next President, who should be his Vice President? The hardest working desk washer in show business, John Stewart from The Daily Show Joe "Joementum" Lieberman Rush Limbaugh or Bill O'Reilly (whoever is available) because they're always right Jesus June 23, 2007 Which of the following strategies do you feel is the best way for a candidate to get noticed? have a cool website offering cool merchandise like cool ring tones be a billionaire or TV star get in the news for your fake security contingent receive the Colbert Bump June 22, 2007, Morning Edition Who should be the next president of the United States? Barrack Obama John MacCain John McClane Jesus Dr. Stephen T. Colbert D.F.A. June 22, 2007 The Chicago Cubs have recently been getting into a lot of fights. Why is this? They are angry about Democrats taking Congress They are real cubs and are just being godless killing machines They hate America and are trying to desroy its passtime They are possesed by the Devil June 21, 2007 Today is the first day of summer. What activity are you looking forward to? spending my days at the beach not having to go to classes and sleeping in traveling doing everything I can to avoid skin cancer and dehydration June 20, 2007 Question suggested by User:Lil cup Stephen was the first major late night celebrity newsman to give free air time and advertising to Apple for their new iPhone. Stephen has also told that Apple guy to send him one. But Stephen still doesn't have one. Why Hasn't Stephen Received A Free iPhone? Apple is afraid that Stephen will nail the product Mailman was apprehended by CIA and is now experiencing "enhanced interrogation techniques" in Gitmo Used FedEx delivery system and "it got lost in mail" Willie Nelson is holding it ransom after he saw how poorly his ice cream is selling compared to Stephen's. And because he's always high, he forgot to send the ransom note. June 19, 2007, Evening Edition New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced today that he is leaving the Republican Party. He claimed his cutting and running from The Greatest Political Party Ever was inline with how he "brings my affiliation into alignment with how I have led and will continue to lead our city". What was the real reason for Bloomberg's flip flop? he didn't leave the party, the party left him he hates America now and wants the terrorists to win he is going to come out of the closet and doesn't want to soil the party he loves he wants to run for president with Ron Paul as "Independents" June 19, 2007 Great Americans Are Working Feverishly To Prevent the imprisonment of I. Scooter Libby. Some folks went to the court and testified on his behalf, others wrote letters to the judge, Reggie Walton. What do you feel is the best reason to keep Scooter out of prison? not all the evidence is in he's not a criminal like Paris Hilton the prosecutor was biased against him if Scooter goes to jail, the terrorists win June 18, 2007 On this day in 1983, Sally Ride became the first American woman in outer space. What is your favorite American Woman Milestone? Lorena Bobbit, the first American woman to slice off a penis and throw it out of a moving car Jane Fonda, the first American woman to sit on Stephen Colbert's lap on network television Condoleezza Rice, the first American woman to have an oil tanker named after her Nancy Pelosi, the first American woman expected to be sent to Gitmo. June 17, 2007 There was no poll question for this day, Father's Day. June 16, 2007 Bill O'Reilly uncovered the real motivation behind all the terrorist bombings: the terrorists want to get on TV, specifically CNN and MSNBC, which show them all the time (mediamatters.org). What is the other main motivating factor for the terrorist bombings? in the hopes that George W. Bush's poll numbers go down in the hopes of influencing the 2008 election in the hopes Michael Moore will make a movie about them because Nancy Pelosi told them to June 15, 2007 On the June 14, 2007 episode of "The Colbert Report", Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. interviewed a gay about why he was in the military. Dr. Colbert had to remind the gay that there are many reasons for keeping the gays out of America's masculine endeavors. What do you feel is the most compelling reason to keep the gays out of America's military? rainbows are not very effective camoflauge: push-ups should never be performed in teams: "Flock of Seagulls" hair will never fit inside a helmet: it is hard to march in stiletto heels: June 14, 2007 How Large Will Ron Paul's Colbert Bump Be? Romney-killing: Giuliani-upsetting: Fred Thompson-scaring: 14%: June 13, 2007 Today is the 41st anniversary of Miranda vs Arizona, the antiquated law that gives criminals a chance to run away while the arresting officer has to read an entire law book to them. Which of the "rights" should be taken off in order to speed up the arresting process? right to remain silent: right to an attorney: both of them: none of them, I'm a gay hippie who wants to have Osama bin Laden's baby: June 12, 2007 Which is your favorite "Alternative Universe Stephen"? Esteban Colberto: Stephanus Maximus Truthiness: Caesar Honeybee: Tyrone Hunnibi: June 11, 2007 Who Should Bill Clinton's Presidential Library Be Named After? Bill Clinton: Stephen Colbert: POLLING BEGAN ON JUNE 11, 2007. THERE ARE NO POLL QUESTIONS BEFORE THIS ONE. __NOEDITSECTION__